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16 definitions by colin cummerbund

 
1.
A variety of spanking indulged in by arty types. The spankee coats his arse with oil paints of many colours and bends over a sculpture of Shakespeare. The spanker then larrups the spankees paint-smeared buttocks with a palette or rolled-up canvas. The gleeful yelpings of the spankees are often recorded and sold in art shops as "Sounds to inspire you".
That fellow with the easel has quite a limp. Aubrey.

Yes. I think you'll find he's been the spankee in some Briggsy spanking.
de Colin Cummerbund 21 Septembrie 2006
256 30
 
2.
Going to the pub during your work lunch-break and consuming a meat pie and at least four pints of beer. The effect is doubled if the person doing a Searby has grey curly hair.
Oi, Dave. Are you going to the canteen for lunch?

No, I'm doing a Searby.
de Colin Cummerbund 21 Septembrie 2006
256 34
 
3.
Acne pus. Used by pretentious artists as gay-love lube.
Briggsy: Why pay for vaseline when my beautiful face produces copious amounts of Briggsy's Special Lube free of charge?
de Colin Cummerbund 18 Octombrie 2006
307 88
 
4.
An art prize for artists too obscure and ludicrous for even the Turner Prize. Entrants for the Briggsy Prize have included a lamb chop stuffed inside a small child's mitten, the word "talent" written on an Etch-a-sketch and a Christmas card torn in half next to a copy of the Scunthorpe Yellow Pages.
Art critic: What piece are you currently working on?

Artist: I've got a polystyrene box which I've painted purple and filled with baked apples. It represents the pain and despair of missing a phone call when you're in the shower.

Art critic: Should make the shortlist for the Briggsy Prize.
de Colin Cummerbund 12 Decembrie 2006
245 30
 
5.
A type of Brothel worked by only the oldest, ugliest and most disease-riddled prostitutes. These women can't do business with regular clients as they are so repulsive no one would pay for them. Instead they are condemned to a Briggsy Brothel where only the oldest, ugliest and most disease-riddled clients go. Regular prostitutes won't do business with these clients as they are so repellant. Thus the Briggsy Brothel matches up hideous hookers with repulsive johns. The BB is such a niche profession that the hookers are frequently idle. These disused prostitutional wastes pass the time by exchanging treasured possessions such as genital warts and fanny slugs.
What's that building the Dwarf's entering?

Aah that'll be a Briggsy Brothel.
de Colin Cummerbund 08 Septembrie 2006
261 46
 
6.
Otherwise known as Briggsy's Gay Mafia. A bunch of pretentious artists who punish the non-arty. They march through cities and verbally abuse anyone who dares to walk past an art gallery without going in and jizzing their pants in artistic excitement. Briggsy's Art Police is made up of all the artists who have been anally pleasured by Briggsy and who worship the dwarf as their god.
Better not walk past Tate Modern without going in. Briggsy's Art Police will be patrolling and I don't fancy being harangued by a gaggle of mincing queers.
de Colin Cummerbund 18 Septembrie 2006
234 20
 
7.
A legendary homosexual porno film starring gay artist Briggsy. The movie opens with Briggsy hitching a lift to England's gay capital in a caravan. On arrival he buggers his way through the city's gay clubs. A particularly memorable scene shows the arty dwarf bumming a Portuguese trans-sexual over a bar stool whilst a fruity-looking barman douses him with a soda syphon.
Fruity queen: So Briggsy, what title did you give your film in which you do Brighton? Something really clever?

Briggsy: Of course. I decided to call it "Briggsy Does Brighton"
de Colin Cummerbund 08 Decembrie 2006
251 39